It’s been a few days since “Monkeygate,” the surreal one-night-of-Halloween story that centers on an alleged bite from a pet monkey belonging to a stripper cohabiting with Texas special teams coach Jeff Banks. , burst onto the national media landscape.
For a while, we waited anxiously if Longhorns public relations staff would release a statement regarding said child ape incident. It seems that such a declaration will not happen. It also looks like Banks and the entire Longhorns sports department would love to see this all fall apart and be forgotten.
I am happy to announce that there will be none of this.
These are the Texas Longhorns we’re talking about here, folks. And a stripper who once graced “The Jerry Springer Show“Nicknamed” Pole Assassin. “And a white-faced Panamanian capuchin named Gia. No way it’s going to be buried as long as the Razorbacks hate Texas.
This was the case with the spikes launched by the national media:
Fortunately, that has also been the case with the sports media in Arkansas.
Take Phil Elson, three-time Arkansas Sports Presenter of the Year and radio host for several Razorback sports.
Elson, who also co-hosts “Halftime” on ESPN Arkansas, opened the ball on Tuesday by shedding light on the Arkansas special team woes this year: “For any complaints you might have about the special teams coach Scott Fountain, at least he’s not in the news for that.
In this same showRivals recruiting reporter Danny West joined in the fun:
“This one is crazy. I’ve seen stuff now. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a monkey involved, but damn it can only happen in Texas. I think it would only be funnier right now if it happened in LSU maybe, but for it to happen in Texas, just one more bang for them man.
“They just aren’t back. They are not back yet, folks.
The meaning of Monkeygate and the involvement of Jeff Banks
Delightfully, Arkansas played a big part in Texas’ failure to return to the top. On September 11, the Hogs inflicted their first loss of the season on Texas, a loss so bad it sparked a conspiracy theory Steve Sarkisian asked his Longhorns to lose on purpose.
Over the course of the year, the Longhorns are 4-4 and have lost three straight games (that’s right, those three were in the top 20 teams in Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Baylor). That they are winning more games than the Hogs this season, despite playing in a much weaker conference, it’s basically like a game of chance you would play. 21Casino.
The fact that Monkeygate happened to a Longhorns wizard who left his family to find accommodation with someone by the name of “Pole Assassin” takes the sting off the Razorbacks three-game losing streak in conference.
Over the next several years, Texas will join this conference. According to Arkansas Sports Radio host John Nabors, the Monkeygate is a perfect fit for the SEC:
“I don’t know who I should be kidding because there are so many people to shoot. But if that doesn’t just scream the SEC, I don’t know what does, ” Nabors said on his Razorbacks podcast.
“I know Texas is going to be joining the conference here in a few years, but welcome to the party, mate.”
“It’s a great way to start your tenure with the SEC, because it could be one of the most SECRET things of all time. And it’s just funny because it’s happening in Texas which is already having a hard time this season. And you wanted to add to the mix of a dancer named Pole Assassin with a companion monkey? “
“Too good to be true. One of the best stories in college football yet. I can’t wait for the ’30 for 30′ to come out on this.”
Please for all things #HornsDown there is a documentary on Monkeygate. Ultimately, anything that hurts the Texas Longhorns brand is an addition for the Arkansas Razorbacks.
Get the history of Pole Assassin and Monkeygate here: